Exploring the themes of love and loss through the lens of memory and nostalgia.
N Mohanan’s novel, Once, translated into English by AJ Thomas, originally appeared as a serialized piece in Malayalam Manorama under the title Raagangalkku Oru Kaalam. The narrative begins with a letter to readers from the author, wherein he reflects on the inspiration behind the book. A request from two editors to write about the woman who most significantly impacted his life led him to focus on a pivotal figure—a ‘girl’ who influenced his intellectual and emotional journey during a transitional phase of his life.
This girl was neither his mother, a renowned writer in her own right, nor his wife, but rather someone who nurtured his creative impulses at a time when he was stepping out of his mother’s protective embrace but had not yet embarked on the journey of marriage. The novella intertwines memoir and fiction, capturing the aspirations and dreams that she instilled in him, which eventually blossomed into a profound emotional connection. However, this relationship faces an abrupt end when she departs from the world they had built together.
Once delves into the lasting scars of unfulfilled love, portraying how time can seemingly heal wounds only for them to resurface unexpectedly. The author experiences a poignant reunion with this long-lost love decades later in their twilight years, a meeting that stirs up a whirlwind of emotions difficult to articulate. The author recalls the enchanting words of poet G Sankara Kurup, which evoke memories of their initial meeting. This nostalgic reflection transports him back to his days as a first-year MA student at the University College, where he was infatuated with his junior, affectionately known as Chakkee.
As the narrative unfolds, the backdrop of Trivandrum in the 1950s is vividly painted, characterized by its dusty lanes, tea shops, and temples. This was a time when men expressed their tenderness through the ideals of communism and where literature and art were viewed as essential parts of life. Amidst the flourishing love, the couple grapples with the harsh reality of societal expectations and caste differences that often overshadow their happiness. Despite these challenges, their love blooms vibrantly, likened to the deep red of Gulmohar flowers.
However, fate intervenes, dramatically altering their dreams. From the depths of heartbreak, the author finds a source of inspiration, transforming his pain into a wealth of words. The emotional aftermath of his love, rather than being a source of despair, becomes a catalyst for creative expression. Following their hospital meeting, he reflects on the nature of their relationship, expressing that while romantic love may not exist in its traditional sense, there is an indescribable connection that transcends explanation.
The complexity of human relationships and the inadequacies of language in capturing emotional depth are recurring themes in this work. While the prose is marked by poetic elegance, moments of stark introspection reveal the struggle to articulate feelings of love and loss. AJ Thomas’s translation seeks to encapsulate the essence of the author’s experiences, merging reality with imagination. This interplay adds layers to the narrative, as the author’s daughter suggests that the novella is not strictly autobiographical but rather a blend of fact and fiction. In essence, N Mohanan’s Once beautifully celebrates the sanctity of love, emphasizing its central role in shaping our identities and experiences.
